BREAKING DOWN TO BREAK THROUGH
The humble caterpillar that retreats into its cocoon before emerging as a beautiful butterfly is one of the most powerful and widely-acknowledged symbols of transformation. The butterfly is what we all get excited by, the grand finale, but really the chrysalis phase is the important part.
We cannot achieve anything of worth unless we have nourished ourselves. This time to recharge our batteries is essential to living fully. We must pause before we can move forward.
It took me a long time to learn this lesson. I spent most of my adult life making the all-too-common mistake of chasing other people’s goals and standards for success. I got so caught up in it that I completely lost sight of who I was. I felt like I didn’t even know what I wanted, and became so miserable and depressed that I sought out therapy. And I am so glad I did.
In my therapist’s office, I was given the care and emotional space I needed to reconnect with myself. Through our work together I identified the many masks that I was wearing in order to feel like I was “enough.” I was constantly seeking external validation, which was a losing battle, since what I really needed was to validate myself.
Slowly, I peeled away these masks, and discovered my authentic self - a woman whose talent and passion revolved around seeing people for who they REALLY are, and believing in their ability to create a life that truly reflects that. I wanted to give people permission to take off their masks, to pay attention to the person they were when no one was looking, to get curious about their own needs, desires and wants, and to finally stop believing all of the BS that their saboteurs have been feeding them their whole lives.
This healing process was long, and it was painful. Most people don’t talk about how painful healing actually is. At times I felt like I was unearthing parts of me that I didn’t know I could ever heal. I was facing long-held beliefs that needed to be carefully examined and either tweaked or thrown out all together. I was in the process of rewiring my brain and how I related to myself and to life.
Rewiring your beliefs and thought patterns that have been with you all of your life doesn’t happen overnight. It's like going to a personal trainer if you want to change your diet and exercise routine. It takes practice, perseverance and patience. This is why I hired a coach to help me pursue my dream career of helping others create a life that is truly a reflection of who they are and what they value. With my coach’s support, I negotiated a better role at work until I eventually left in order to launch my life coaching career.
You may be thinking, “Carrie, this doesn’t sound relaxing or restful.” And you’re right, it's not. It’s actually a lot of work, but it is all happening on the inside, just like the caterpillar in its cocoon. The caterpillar breaks down its own body into imaginal cells which become the different parts of its new butterfly body. And when you do the inner work of examining your beliefs and motivations to get to the essence of who you really are, you will also emerge more confident and ready to fly. But you need to put support structures in place in order to sustain you through your transformation.
Replenishing yourself while traversing the rugged landscape of inner healing is unique to you. Only you know what will make you feel nourished, rested, or rejuvenated. Whatever lights you up and fills your cup are the tools you need in your self-care toolkit. If you were going out into the wilderness, you would pack some essentials to help you, right? Water, food, flashlight, sleeping bag, bandaids, and the like. Well think of your self-care toolkit as the essentials to keep you healthy and strong while you work your way through your personal transformation.
Here are three steps to building a self-care toolkit:
1) Focus on small daily things that light you up: A walk outside on your favorite trail with your loving dog, a warm cup of coffee in the morning, a hot bath in the evening, dancing in your living room to your favorite song, a great night’s sleep, having a long heartfelt conversation with a cherished friend, gardening, running, yoga, reading/listening to inspirational stories, or a great belly laugh.
2) Let go of things that drag you down: Minimizing contact with people who tempt you into old habits that don’t serve the life you are moving towards, cleaning up your social media - unfollow, delete, or mute anything that doesn’t leave you feeling nourished or replenished, drinking less alcohol, lowering your daily news intake, or deciding to leave a job that depletes you.
3) Set up long-term support structures: Finding a coach or therapist to partner with you, hiring a financial planner, joining a support group, or enrolling in a program that will teach you the skills you need to pursue your dream.
Changing your life requires pausing long enough to release what isn’t working anymore. You must exhale before you can inhale again. Give yourself whatever amount of time, rest and support you need so that you can emerge stronger, more powerful, and more vibrant than ever.