2 GOOD BOOKS: MAY EDITION

Emotions have been on my mind this month. My own emotions have been all over the place as I adjust (or re-adjust?) to a post-covid world. I know I’m not alone in that either, so it feels fitting to showcase these two amazing books about emotions, by two smart, grounded, and heart-centered female authors.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

This is one of those books that has so many powerful, quotable passages that it would look like the book was wearing paper fringe if you were to put post-it notes on every one. Her writing is raw, emotional, brutally honest, and makes me want to be a braver version of myself. Through the stories of her life, she teaches us the most important lesson of how to quit abandoning ourselves. 

Instead of me writing about her writing, I will share one of my favorite passages from the book.

“I can feel everything and survive.

What I thought would kill me, didn’t. Every time I said to myself: I can’t take this anymore - I was wrong. The truth was that I could and did take it all - and I kept surviving. Surviving again and again made me less afraid of myself, of other people, of life. I learned that I’d never be free from pain but I could be free from the fear of pain, and that was enough. I finally stopped avoiding fires long enough to let myself burn, and what I learned is that I am like that burning bush: The fire of pain won’t consume me. I can burn and burn and live. I can live on fire. I am fireproof.”

Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David

Here is a book that made me sit up and say, “finally, there are people with PhD’s teaching about the importance of feeling ALL feelings.” My coaching has been heavily influenced by my personal belief that our “negative” emotions are not really negative at all, but opportunities to heal and learn more about who we are and what we really need. 

Emotional Agility aligns with how I relate to emotions. Dr. David articulates how the tendency to “think positive” is actually detrimental to our well-being.

“Those that tout positive thinking are particularly off base. Trying to impose happy thoughts is extremely difficult, if not impossible, because few people can just turn off negative thoughts and replace them with more pleasant ones. Also, this advice fails to consider an essential truth: Your so-called negative emotions are often actually working in your favor.

In fact, negativity is normal. This is a fundamental fact. We are wired to feel negative at times. It’s simply a part of the human condition. Too much stress on being positive is just one more way our culture figuratively overmedicates the normal fluctuations of our emotions, just the way society often literally overmedicates rambunctious children and women with mood swings.”

I loved these books, and their teachings are integral in my coaching philosophy. I believe you are a perfect, whole human, exactly as you are. The real suffering comes from believing that certain emotions are not ok to have, and that the discomfort they bring must be numbed, distracted away, medicated, or repressed.

If there is one thing that either of these book choices this month hope to bring you, it's compassion and acceptance for ALL of your emotions. You have to train your brain to do this, however, and it takes work and dedication. But you are so capable, and even more than that, you deserve to feel free and “fireproof.”