KNOWING YOUR PROCRASTINATION STYLE IS THE KEY TO FINDING BALANCE
There are generally two types of procrastinators, those who avoid the really important tasks by being constantly busy and those who distract themselves with pleasurable activities. Neither is “good” nor “bad,” they are simply two different ways of approaching tasks that cause stress, anxiety or fear. You just need to know how you work with your own personal procrastination tendencies to find balance and ease in your life.
Do either of these descriptions resonate with you?
The Busy Procrastinator
You have a hard time saying “no” because you fear upsetting people. You are always attending to what is right in front of you - pleasing, producing, putting out fires - and you never seem to have enough time or energy left over to get to the thing you’re avoiding.
You don’t know how to manage the fear and anxiety that is evoked by the task you are avoiding, so you wait until you “feel better,” which never happens because the act of procrastinating makes you feel worse.
The Procrastinating Perfectionist
You believe any action you take will result in bad things happening, so you never start at all. You avoid anything that could possibly end in rejection or failure.
Your perfectionist ideals cause you to believe that nothing you try will ever work out, and you easily get overwhelmed and feel stuck. You self-soothe by engaging with pleasurable distractions, like scrolling social media, playing video games, shopping, or binge-watching tv.
As a coach, my goal is to identify which style my client is presenting, so we can uncover the root of this conditioned behavior. Procrastination is all about avoiding negative emotions, and is a coping strategy that has been conditioned and reinforced our whole lives. It is not about being lazy or unmotivated, and it is completely normal for everyone to procrastinate sometimes. Underneath all procrastination is fear, and fear is always a giant arrow pointing to a part of our identity we value. So, the question becomes, what are you afraid of feeling? Discomfort? Pain? Financial loss? Like a failure? Like a loser? Like nothing you do will make a positive impact? I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Think of it this way, procrastination is like quickly trying to clean your room by shoving everything in a closet and shutting the door. On the surface, you feel instantly better and relieved that the mess is out of sight. But, it's not out of mind, and you know that one day when you eventually have to open that door, the mess will have gotten so bad that everything will come crashing down on your head. Putting off what is uncomfortable in the moment, but that you know is important, will only lead to much more suffering in the future.
Procrastinating is addictive, because it brings the immediate reward of avoiding negative feelings. This is what makes it hard to change. But it is not impossible to change, so, if you know procrastination creates problems in your life and you want to do something about it, here is what you need to know, as well as tools and practices to try right now.
First, learn how to manage anxiety and fear
Acknowledge what you are afraid of and anxious about, and be specific.
Remind yourself that you are not alone and that everyone feels this way from time to time. Be mindful of self-criticism.
Adopt emotional-regulation practices. Try breathing techniques, guided meditations, affirmations or journaling to practice holding space for your fear and anxiety with kindness and compassion.
Second, adopt new strategies:
If you’re the Busy Procrastinator…
Set boundaries.
Enlist the help of a coach to gain more self-awareness, more self-confidence, and keep you accountable.
Practice being proactive, rather than reactive.
If you’re the Procrastinating Perfectionist
Set realistic expectations.
Work with a coach to help reframe negative beliefs, and learn healthy coping skills.
Break down tasks into small steps, and manageable goals.
When you identify your style of procrastination, you can understand yourself better, and create a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Only then, will you be able to free yourself from its paralyzing grip. Rewiring your brain in response to fear isn’t easy and doesn’t happen overnight, but I know you know that continuing to put it off is only going to make things worse.
Meet yourself where you are, and be patient. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you, and procrastination is not evidence of laziness or weakness. It's merely a coping strategy that is no longer serving you, and it is never too late to learn new, healthier strategies.